


Love Thyself

by devilsnowcandy



Category: Journey into Mystery, Thor (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen, Short, Spoilers, Tragedy, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-26
Updated: 2012-10-26
Packaged: 2017-11-17 01:43:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/546250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devilsnowcandy/pseuds/devilsnowcandy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a general sentiment that humans hold true: that before you can accomplish anything, you must first love yourself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Thyself

**Author's Note:**

> Contains spoilers for Journey Into Mystery 645.

The first tragedy of Loki is this: that he is Loki and he can only ever be Loki. The second tragedy is that he knows it. His only comfort is that he is a fantastic liar – so compelling he can convince even himself of the truth of something false. 

He has planned this all along. The boy was always a test, to see if Loki is capable of changing – to see if lies can be made truth. The results are in: all positive! It is time for the real deal. 

He is no stranger to self-pity. Hatred and grief over what others made him become is part of what makes him Loki, after all, so it is no surprise to him that he feels some inkling of sadness for the part of this other self.

“Alas,” he says, and he thinks he’s being genuine. Alas, that things must end for you. For me. Alas, that this plan was set in motion before I saw you in action, dear other self.

The gift is both a kindness and a cruelty. One last, hopeless chance, that is not really a chance at all. A game that’s already been won. 

The story is a kindness, too – a lie, but one that was genuinely meant. The worlds are saved, for now, for all that Loki and the girl who became Hela were never friends. Loki is here, now, and soon he will not be the Loki that was Leah’s BFF. And anyway, she grew up, moving from hatred and anger to grief, acceptance, and finally a muted nostalgia.

“I’m sorry, Loki,” he says, and it’s true.

“I’m sure you are. Not enough, though.” 

He is no stranger to self-hatred, either, but he has never loathed himself as deeply and wholly as he does in this moment. “I will change,” he tells himself, but he knows he’s lying. He already changed. He’s only reasserting what always was.

“It is time. Swallow the lie,” he says. 

The boy takes the bird in his arms, his face small and tear-stained, full of despair and bitter certainty. Loki would only ever sacrifice himself for himself, but right now he is sacrificing himself for millions of others. 

Loki has never known what it is to love himself. He loves his tricks, his cleverness, his power and abilities, but he is Loki and he knows what he is and that is a monster. But this child devouring the magpie, who is and was him and what he will be – this child that laughed and cracked jokes in the face of hatred and scorn, that teased a girl into becoming his friend and strove to make a dog of hell into a dear pet – this child, whom no one will know to mourn, he can love.

And mourn.


End file.
